Lyrics: I'm Reviewing
by Giton
Summary: Crais is reviewing his situation. Based on the music of the song 'I'm Reviewing' of the musical Oliver. Completely different from the story 'I Am Reviewing'. This is written completely in lyrics-fashion and can be sung to the the music of the song (trust


_Disclaimer on punctuation and spacing: seems to take some out!  
Disclaimer: "Farscape" is a protected trademark and I'm just borrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact"  
When I was listening to "Oliver", the musical and heard Ron Moody sing, "I am reviewing" I couldn't help but think of Crais. This is an unbeta'ed version. It finally has the right cadence and I'm not going to change it (grin). Music references: 'I Am Reviewing' and first part of 'Finale'._

Title: Lyrics-I Am Reviewing  
Author: GitonCrais  
Rating: General/Humour/Song  
Spoilers: none  
Keywords: Crais, season 2  
Summary: Crais is reviewing his situation (lyrics to the musical Oliver, song: I'm Reviewing..."

**Lyrics: I Am Reviewing.**  
By GitonCrais

_To the song-tune of "I Am Reviewing" of the musical Oliver_

_Crais paces slowly in the Command Centre of Talyn. He's wearing his long Captain's coat and is looking around him, amazed by Talyn's interior, contemplating the position he's in_

A man could change, couldn't he?  
Seriously - couldn't he?  
I know I live up to most rumours, you know me so well.  
But it's hard to believe that the stories are really as bad as they tell...

I'm...reviewing...the situation.  
Can I really be the madman as they say?  
All the threats - and accusations?  
Yes, the Chair will surely brighten up my day.  
The Chair will just comfort me and then it will just worry me,  
'T will rip from me and add on me.  
The clamps will be a strain on me.  
The dreams that it will take from me.  
The insanity will break in me... _takes a deep breath and looks worried  
_...I think I better think it out again!

_Crais stands ramrod straight in front of the view port, thinking deeply_

The Chair you can keep, any day.  
I'd rather be free - anyway.  
Space is vast as they say and believe me I know.  
Trav'ling on board this Leviathan, will most definitely show...

I'm reviewing...the situation.  
Must learn quickly how to work this like a Tech.  
Sonic drivers - a mere distraction,  
How to hold tools and not stab it in my leg.  
And the wires they will fold on me.  
Will trip me and just strangle me  
The conduits will be tight on me.  
The walls will then close in on me.  
The stresses will be killing me.  
The work will get on top of me.  
...I think I better think it out again.

_turns around to flee from Command but then stops and walks slowly back_

But where will I go, somebody?  
Who do I know? Nobody!  
Who will want a Peacekeeper Captain as either a friend or a foe?  
Hynerian heads...I had standing on high shelves in a long row...

I'm...reviewing...the situation  
If you have to flee...at least have y'rself a ship  
Is it such a - contradiction.  
To have this ship Talyn hugged and joined me at the hip?  
So, a ship I have undoubtedly,  
Who'll listen to me, doubtfully  
Who'll take me, that's dubiously,  
Far away from here, a possibility,  
To unknown space, expectedly.  
Who will try to kill me...very probably.  
...I think I better think it out again!

_runs off Command in a near panic. Microts later is back again and looks tentatively around the room before stepping back in again_

But what will I do? Seriously.  
Where will I go? Honestly?  
Ev'ryone will be searching for me and my ship.  
So where shall I hide and take this most unexpected ride?

I...am...reviewing...the situation.  
I might even find a planet...just to hide.  
Make a life - a contribution.  
Make them search for me across space far and wide.  
They will search for me  
And look for me  
And hunt me down, that's sure to be  
N'where to go a surety  
And die for sure, most probably  
N'where to hide, I can just see.  
I don't know if there's such a place for me... takes a pause and a deep breath  
Or a future as envisioned by me.  
Apart from here, there's no place for me...  
I think I have to think it out again!

_skips off Command_

_comes back later and takes up position behind the Nav-console, hands clasped behind his back_

Can I find a new life?  
It's probable.  
It will be hard work.  
But it's possible.  
My foes and my enemies, I will leave them behind,  
I shall fly with this ship and who knows what I will find.

_now grins happily and watches space_

**The End**


End file.
